Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Suck Scale

At one time or another, you have probably uttered a variation of the phrase, “That sucks!” And like I have, you've finally come to the conclusion that everything sucks, to some degree. For this, The Suck Scale is born. It goes from 1 to 100, and as you can't have more than 100% of anything, will never go any higher. Of course, you can peg the meter.

Or, to put it simply, something that sucks massively rates a 100, while the least amount of suck rates a 1. However, and I find this quite unlikely, something may indeed, not suck, as in, “That doesn't even rate a 1 on the suck scale!”

The Suck Scale is purely subjective, and is of course subject to interpretation by those viewing whatever it is that sucks. You may think that Obama getting elected rates a 100, others may find it to be a 1, while most of us fall somewhere in between, unless of course, for you it doesn't suck, in which case another scale is needed, as we have previously defined it, everything sucks to some degree, and therefore, deserves a rating of some amount of suck.

You may not realize that something in your life sucks, in which case, someone needs to inform you that it does. Someone could walk up to you on the street and say, “That rates a 73,” and you wouldn't know what that means. A search on the term 73 wouldn't come up with anything, once you arrived home, and you'd be forever in the dark. Therefore, awareness of The Suck Scale is key.

You might ask yourself, “Self, why does everything suck?” At which point, you may try to answer the question, or, more likely, figure out how much overall suckage exists. Clearly, most movies suck. Don't take my word for it, stand in the lobby of any major movie theatre after the movie ends, and listen to the comments of most people coming out. I could give examples, but most of them simply boil down to, “That movie sucked!” If you'd like to figure out how much, simply assign a percentage of the overall comments that are similar, and that will be your score. Remember, lower scores are better, and LA Story doesn't even rate a one on the suck scale.

Restaurants, to some degree, will of course also, suck to some degree. Just ask any notable food critic. They can always find something wrong with the soup, or their steak gets undercooked, “I ordered it medium, not medium rare!!!” This fact alone will probably garner you a suck rating at that particular restaurant in the high 60's.

Traffic during rush hour rates a 100, no question. Unless of course you like sitting in your car for hours at a time going nowhere quickly. Frankly, if I'm going to sit in my car for hours, I usually pick a secluded spot, and a beautiful woman to share the time with, which again, doesn't rate anything near The Suck Scale.

You've probably heard the phrase, “Work sucks, but I need the bucks...” uttered at your place of employment, if you haven't seen it on a bumper sticker in the above mentioned rush hour traffic. If you enjoy your work, this probably rates in the low 20's, however, I'm guessing for most, it's in the high 80's. Now, finding a career that gives you fulfillment as well as enjoyment, doesn't touch The Suck Scale at all.

These are just a few examples of things that may suck in your life, for which I have now provided you an appropriate way to measure them. Of course, this is your life, and not mine, as the ability to make a beautiful woman smile via a simple message on the 'net, definitely does not suck....

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Sounds Like Something from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang...

In my never ending effort to at least blog something everyday, even when I don't have something, I found this:

So when I say I’m seriously impressed with HootSuite (formerly known as Brightkit, which was an awful name) that’s no light recommendation.Steve Woodruff, StickyFigure, Feb 2009

I suggest you click the link, and if you follow me on Twitter, you'll start seeing more of these types of links from me. And, if you're not following me on Twitter, why not?

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Thursday, February 05, 2009

Twitter Survey That I'm Taking

Batman: an iconic superhero whose powers are r...Image via Wikipedia

I've been spending a lot of time on Twitter lately, to almost the exclusion of all else, as you may or may not know. I have a simple follow algorithm: Be interesting, and I'll follow you, almost anywhere :) Have met several fascinating new people, including @WhenIGroUpCoach. She asked me five questions, to wit:

* Where the heck did Matches Malone come from?

That one's simple. Anyone that has read a Batman comic or three, knows that it's his alter ego when he needs to go undercover, to ferret out some information he couldn't otherwise get as Batman.

* How do you decide which avatars to feature on your Twitter background?

I can't take credit for this one, actually. My original idea was for a background with my top 36 followers, and then each of their top 36. I sent this to @HughBriss who ran with the idea, and came up with something different. I've only made one change on it since. If you look carefully, there's someone on there twice. We could talk about the Shorty Awards, but that might veer off topic.

* What one book has blown your mind, and what about it has stuck with you?

The Dark Knight Returns, by Frank Miller. Batman at age 50. Groundbreaking stuff in 1986. Watchmen came out around the same time, however, Batman's always been the fictional character that anyone could actually be, if they dedicated their life to it. The whole canon is inspiring, actually, but this one stands out.

* If you can be given one superpower, what would it be?

Ok, this goes against everything I just said, however, it would be cool to fly. Wouldn't need a car ever again. Either that, or to actually be psychic, which hasn't been properly represented in any medium, at least, recently.

* What do you have a soft spot for?

If I give you the answer to this one, I'll give away a confidence, which I'm not ready to do. Suffice it to say, interesting and intelligent women :)

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